study

study

    Whilst reading the news online I came across a new study. It was a trial on the effects of alcohol. I was compelled to read on. I hoped it would list the ‘guinea pig’ occurrences of people stumbling around drunk, sadly, it did not. Haven’t we had enough studies on this subject? Apparently we have not. This latest study declares that alcohol, in any amount, is detrimental to the health of women. Obviously this study was run by men. It’s a conspiracy. Men are always taking all the good stuff away from women. Turns out stress is worse for women, as is chocolate, caffeine and now alcohol. Great.

    Why do we need so many studies? Who is running them? What’s the cost of these studies? Where do the funds come from? These are all good questions. Questions that I can’t be arsed to research so I will just live in oblivion and possibly bitch about them ad infinitum.

    I recall a study from the 90’s that claimed peanut butter caused cancer. It was a clinical trial run by real scienticians, so you know it has to be true. This is hilarious because peanut butter was actually invented to be a health food. New studies claim the health benefits of  this concoction made from ground nuts, because the first study was just not good enough. Neither were the second and third studies for that matter. It seems that the sticky semi-solid paste can protect against cardiovascular disease and it’s also chock full of vitamins and nutrients. All of which are actually good for you, as long as you consume it in moderation. That’s the key. Moderation. I think we all know that anything consumed in excess is bad for us. If you don’t believe me, try eating only asparagus for 4 or 5 days and get back to me with your results.

    So why do these studies constantly contradict each other? Probably so that they have an excuse to fund another study. They give, ‘Hey this is good for you!’ and then they take, ‘We made a mistake. It’s bad for you. Sorry.’ then they give again, ‘Turns out we were right the first time after all!’ This stuff is doing my head in. I think I will go and have a massive spoonful of peanut butter and wash it down with a great big glass of pinot noir.

    That’s me then.

Advertisements
Published in: on March 31, 2009 at 3:27 pm  Leave a Comment  

self

self

    I have conversations with myself. Usually these occur within the confines of my head, where it’s safe, but occasionally words spill out into the open. Hopefully I am alone when this happens, but I think we can all surmise that sometimes I am not. I am sure this is entirely normal, we all must do it sometimes, right? At least I hope this is not an isolated occurrence limited only to me. Often this happens when I am scrubbing the shower, or folding laundry or trying to accomplish some other mundane task. Usually my inner self talks to my outer self when I least expect it.

    Sometimes inner me has wise and useful things to add, but sometimes she just prattles on and on and on. Mostly I wish she’d shut up if she has nothing important to say. Sadly, she never does. Oh I can make her be quiet if I plug in my ipod and drown her out. This doesn’t make me crazy does it? I hope not, but maybe I am a little nutso. Actually just the fact that I recognize this as a non-normal behavior probably solidifies the fact that I am NOT crazy. Crazy people usually think they are totally normal, often you can hear them shouting whilst being carted off, “I’m not crazy!” So…therefore I think I’m pretty ok. Most of the time.

    Today I had one of these little talks between myself in the car. Driving home from the grocery store. It was stupid stuff, make sure you get DH  to clean out the dryer vent…and then inner self went off on a tangent about ice, and geese. It wasn’t pretty. (sorry, I have a friend with those initials and it’s not you, so don’t feel compelled to think I need YOU to do something mundane like clean out my dryer vents.)

    Inner self felt the need to share this. I have no idea why. She works in mysterious and often weird ways. Now she’s telling me I need tea, and probably I should listen for once. Enjoy your day, and try to keep it quiet. 

    That’s me then.

Published in: on March 30, 2009 at 2:37 pm  Comments (1)  

crush

crush   

     I want to tell you something. It’s not really a secret so I may as well just go ahead and say it……I have a crush on Robert Pattinson. Who the hell is that? If you have never heard of him I am going to assume that you live in a cave in the furthest reaches of some pre-Pleistocene glacial hinterland. OR, perhaps you just have better things to do with your time than keep up with who is au courant in the world of celebrity.

    Is it abnormal for a grown woman…ahem…a grown MARRIED woman to be crushing on some random actor? Well, no. I don’t see the harm. Even my husband doesn’t see the harm, in fact I think he is highly amused by my growing level of obsession. I like my crush, my crush makes me happy. And happy is a good place to be. But unless you shun all forms of media you must have either heard of him, or seen his face plastered on the front of some rag mag. Rob (I call him that, I will assume he doesn’t mind) is a quirky British actor who has recently been catapulted into the feeding frenzy of fame because he starred in a little movie called ‘Twilight’. Oh he’s been around for a few years, some of you may have seen his portrayal of Cedric Diggory in ‘Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire’. Before you start creeping out, I was not all giddy over him when he was 19, no no no, it was a few years later…much later. Ok so I drooled over him in ‘Twilight’ in spite of his acting ability, because damn it, he looks HOT! I mean holy freakin’ hell….will you LOOK at him!?

    But just so you don’t leave me thinking I am some vacuous harpie who is only attracted to looks….that’s not why I like my crush. He’s quirky, funny, and he seems intelligent. I am not going to tell you that I have watched him in hours of YouTube video interviews. No. I am not going to tell you that. He’s very charming in those videos…not that I have seen them, and he has such a dorkishness about him that I can’t help but find him utterly adorable. Oh, and he wore a tux when he presented at the Oscars this year. He seemed nervous and uncomfortable as he stood there on stage, being watched by millions, but he looked great in his tux. He looked dashing. He looked drool worthy. Sigh…..

    That’s me then.

Published in: on March 27, 2009 at 2:08 pm  Comments (1)  
Tags: , ,

idol

 

idol 

    American Idol never fails to disappoint. I am a fan. I mean, who isn’t? It’s trainwreckalishious during tryout week. Ok, I will admit that I find the suffering of bad singers amusing.  Where are their parents and friends to tell these poor unfortunate souls that they cannot and MUST not sing in public? I don’t know. Instead, these hopeful singers forsake the advice (I am assume there is some here people) of their loved ones and get their dreams crushed by the Idol judges. It’s cruel, yet funny, and highly effective. I laugh and squirm uncomfortably as Paula tries to sound like she’s not hopped up on goofballs. Simon is always the voice of reason, no matter how harshly he delivers his summing up, the man knows his stuff. Kudos to Simon. Then we move on to the actual meat of the whole contest. Every year I watch unknown singers wrestle each other vocally for the title of ‘Idol’. And every year someone emerges as my fave. Also every year I vow never to watch again if the hottest guy gets voted out before his time. Yes, I am talking about you Ace Young.

    This year is no different. There are people I can’t stand (sorry to those I put in this unsavory category) and there are people I really like. But more on those people at a later date. One of the things that make this so enjoyable to me is watching with my friend. We share ‘family time’ together quite often during American Idols’ season run. We laugh. We mock. We comment on the treacherous singing and the terrifying hair styles. And let’s not forget the clothing choices. It’s almost as if they threw caution to the wind, ignored the advice of the trained stylists, and got dressed in the dark. Whilst drunk. And in the midst of a monsoon.

    Which brings us to this weeks episode. There were moments that sent chills up my spine, and not in a good way. Poor Anoop, constantly seems to be stuck in some weird fashion vortex and while his vocals were great, I can’t help but find him goofy. Speaking of goofy, one of my favourite front runners seems to be getting more and more goofy with each passing week. Sorry Danny. I think it was the cheesy dancing that spoiled it for me. It was nice to see Adam reign it in tonight and sing something that didn’t evoke visions of a Broadway musical. Good job Adam.

    I am eagerly awaiting the vote off tonight…I hope my faves stay…and I hope the door doesn’t hit you in the ass on the way out Scott.

    That’s me then.

Published in: on March 26, 2009 at 4:14 pm  Leave a Comment  

strength

strength

    I have had to deal with quite a fair amount of disappointment lately. That’s always hard to deal with at the best of times, these however are not the best of times for me. Some people muddle through and turn it around to their advantage. It will be a difficult journey. A task that can be insurmountable to some, daunting to me, but I will persevere. I hope. The mind is a wondrous thing.

    I wonder though, how much my mind can endure. Will I be able to make this work? Will I be ok? I truly hope so. No. I believe I will be ok. I like to think that I am a strong person, at least in mind, if not in body. I flex that mind muscle regularly so I feel I have a good chance. I imagine a small tree, bent to the breaking point by a strong wind. But that little tree endures. It pulls through. It doesn’t break, instead it grows even stronger. I am not a tree. I am human. Hopefully that analogy applies to people as well. But again, how much can one person deal with before they break? I have been testing my personal breaking point these days. So far so good.

    I have a good support network. I really do. I need to dig deep and pull that inner strength out. It has been hidden in the dark recesses, but I am going to yank it out kicking and screaming. One, two, three, flex.

    That’s me then.

Published in: on March 25, 2009 at 2:33 pm  Leave a Comment  

fuzzy

    fuzzy

    Warning: objects in photo may appear smaller than in real life! True enough. And by objects I mean two rather large but adorably cute dogs. One of whom is an actual member of my family, the other I get to borrow periodically, but love no less than my own dog.

    This past weekend I was fortunate enough to babysit my friends’ dog. He’s floppy and sweet and golden and wonderful. My dog however does not find these qualities to be as endearing as I do. My dog is a princess, and often I find her casting looks of disdain in my friends’ dogs direction. She means no harm, she just doesn’t feel great about sharing her toys or my affection. I am HER mum after all.

    Sunday morning found us all cuddled down in bed together. It was fantastic. A tad too warm I grant you because these dogs are huge. Well, not elephant huge, but they weigh in at 65 and 75 pounds. Combined, they out weigh me. This is hilarious to them. I can tell. How? Well, they love to smother me. One lies on top of me and pins me down rendering me immobile so that the other one can lavish me with sloppy wet kisses. I laugh until I can’t breathe and often I have to call in my husband for backup.

    These two dogs love this activity. I have no idea why. But they wag, and snorffle, and roll around in the sheets until the bed looks like a disaster zone. Not that I mind. They are sweet and funny and perfect little fuzzy moppets.  Puppy love. It’s a great feeling.

    That’s me then.

Published in: on March 24, 2009 at 2:02 pm  Leave a Comment  

breathe

breathe

   I am not a good sleeper. It’s not the actual act of sleep itself, once I get there I have no trouble logging 7 or 8 hours worth of usually unobstructed blissful sleep. It’s the getting there that I struggle with. You see, I have one of those minds that will not shut down, no matter how I try, the internal dialogue seems to blather on incessantly until I realize that it’s now 5am and I will have to officially ‘wake up’ far too soon. Sometimes it is extremely tiring, yet not tiring enough to wear me out and allow me to drift off into a peaceful slumber.

    So when I was younger, in school, I devised a technique that helped me focus my mind and relax my body enough so that I could manage to fall asleep. I would lie in darkness and visualize a pristine white page, and then I would imagine a pen with rich black ink scrawling looped cursive across the snowy plain of paper. The words would come slowly at first, and increase in speed as my stream of consciousness poured out. Occasionally these letters would be to people I knew, sometimes they would be composed with no particular person in mind, and sometimes they would be letters to myself. Pep talks. Critiques. Self reflection. Just about anything, often about nothing at all. After a while, this device became ineffective, and once more I would be faced with sleepless nights.

     What’s a girl  to do? Well, with sleep eluding me once again, I tried what I like to call ‘self meditation’. You lie down on your back with your arms at your sides and close your eyes. Preferably do this at bedtime, I don’t want to be held responsible for the awkward looks you may endure if you try this whilst grocery shopping. Next, deep breathe. While you are breathing repeat the words ‘breathe in, breathe out’ inside your head. Then the fun begins. After several minutes of deep breathing you tell your body parts to relax, starting from your head and ending with your toes. I find this to be pretty effective. Basically, if you have ever taken a yoga class, it’s what the instructor tells you to do at the end of each yoga session. Only I draw mine out for a longer period of time and I focus on breathing as I soothe my body and hopefully my mind, into relaxation. If I am lucky, I will drift off to sleep before I reach my toes! It has been known to happen on more than one occasion. Ahhh Success! Sweet, sweet sleep.

    Perhaps you have some effective techniques of your own to try. Maybe you want to give these a shot. Just remember, breathe in, breathe out. Namaste.

    That’s me then.

Published in: on March 23, 2009 at 3:15 pm  Comments (1)  

glee

glee   

    Scoff if you will. Ok…I admit it. I might just be lame. Well, that wasn’t as painful as I thought it would be! Today has found me giddy with anticipation. Why you ask? Well, today is the most gleeful day of the week…ok…of the MONTH. Today the Twilight DVD is being released. I know, I know. I prepared for your groans of disdain. It’s alright. I’m tough. I can take your snarky comments, you are entitled, but just so you know. I. Don’t. Care. I am obsessed. And I am happy about that. It’s all about finding your bliss where you can people, and today, I find my bliss in a small plastic case, wrapped impossibly tight in shrink wrap. It is wrapped so tightly that you need an MBA just to navigate its opening. Argh!

    I am not embarrassed. I read all the books. I am not a book snob. They were cotton candy. Fluff. And I enjoyed them. Every minute of their sickly, chaste, teenage angstyness. You know you did too. Stop pretending that you are ‘above’ that drivel. Drivel is good. Drivel feels nice.

   In case you need me, I will be snuggled down in front of the big screen, popcorn poised on my lap, smiling stupidly. Because today….insert angel chorus….Twilight is released on DVD. Yes. I can’t wait. I am following my bliss. Right now that bliss is leading me to the impossibly handsome arms of Edward/Robert. And I am following mindlessly. Suck it up people.

    That’s me then.

Published in: on March 21, 2009 at 1:35 pm  Comments (2)  

gloom

 

gloom

    Today is grey. Overcast. Gloomy. It just so happens that this is the kind of day I love. I am strange, I’ll be the first to admit that, I love grey miserable weather. I think it’s a throw back from my childhood, this joy over greyness. You see, I grew up where the mornings were often shrouded in thick pea soup fogginess. It drizzled and rained quite often. Umbrellas, clasped tightly in hands of people who walked down the pavement, were visible bobbing up and down high above my head. So I suppose that is why I like these sorts of days, they take me back to a more simple time.

    The weatherman (I call him the weather Hobbit, purely praise, I assure you) said that we could have the first thunderstorm of the season today. Ahh! I have a love hate relationship with thunderstorms. I like nothing better than one of those days where the black clouds billow angrily in the sky, and the echo of thunder booms off in the distance and rolls around in the atmosphere all day. Air, fraught with electricity. Sort of makes you feel alive, no? But I also live where tornadoes often threaten. And those scare the crap out of me. On more than one occasion I have been forced to huddle down in the basement and listen to the siren wail. It’s scary. It sets me on edge. I am not used to it…yet.

    No tornadoes are forecast for today, thankfully. Just rain. Cloudy, grey, gloom. I think it will the perfect day to snuggle down with a cup of tea and a good book.

    That’s me then.

Published in: on March 20, 2009 at 2:44 pm  Comments (1)  

friends

 

friends   

     Let it be said that I have some of the best friends a person can have. Without going into too much detail, because you are not here for that, I love my friends. I am a lucky person. My friends are truly good people. I have some close friends that I love more than they will ever know. That’s ok. They give me more than I give them. I love them, and what’s more, I appreciate them. I was happy enough to enjoy the company of two such friends earlier this week. They made me laugh, they made me scrumptious food, they took care of me. My friends don’t judge me nor do I judge them. They take me at face value and I take them at theirs. I am happy to say that their face value is that of warm, loving wonderful people. With them, I feel insanely free to be who I truly am. Even though sometimes they give me a hard time for being…umm…so QUIRKY. It’s who I am. And they do not judge.

    I know that not every person is as richly gifted with such people. I am. Once again, lucky me. How did I get so lucky you ask? I have no freaking idea…but I am glad I did whatever it was to deserve them. All of them. All of YOU.

   Not that you need to know more about me, but I feel in the mood to share. I am fiercely loyal to my friends. You know who you are.  Good friends, truly good friends…in my humble opinion, should not be counted on two hands. Leave the rest of those fingers to count acquaintances and  people whom you chat to whilst walking your dog. And it doesn’t matter if I see you everyday, or even talk to you often. We are still to remain friends forever. I try to be as good a friend to you as you are to me. Hopefully I will not let you down.

    Luck again gave me several  friends that I feel are like family. Some of you I speak with quite infrequently but we have been there for each other over the years. I always will be. Like I said, I do not judge. You get busy with your lives, I too get busy with mine. But it’s important for me to let you know that I appreciate you all the same.

    I wouldn’t trade my friends for all the money in the world. They ROCK! We have been through happy times together, bad times together and sometimes we just sit, and enjoy the ease of knowing what we know, and that my friends, is such a valuable and precious gift.

    That’s me then.

Published in: on March 19, 2009 at 1:38 pm  Comments (1)