reality

reality 

    I bet you are thinking this will be a philosophical monologue about reality, well you would be wrong. It’s a monologue about a reality of sorts though, reality TV. Oh yes, that wonderful fluffishness, semi-scripted, time waster. I have to admit that I love that crap and I don’t feel the need to apologize for my love of bubble-gum-fluffy-faux-reality television programs. You will just have to deal with it. I think they are fun. My sister also loves it and she is uber intelligent so I feel quite justified in my love of crap tv. If it’s good enough for her, it’s most certainly good enough for me.

    Once again I have fallen prey to the brain freezing effects of a new tv show, ‘I’m a celebrity, get me out of here!’ I got sucked in. Janice Dickinson is fabulous, and by fabulous I mean a complete hot mess. She’s got Sanjaya (he of American Idol fame…if you can call it fame…) on a short leash. Ok so it’s a diamond studded leash probably from Harry Winston, but it’s still short. The mohawk sporting Idol wannabe is a self proclaimed ‘jungle boy’. He LOVES the jungle. It’s his happy place. He’s literally covered in insect bites. His gangly limbs flail around and he jumps like you put a firecracker under his ass every time Janice squawks that she needs her feet rubbed, or her back rubbed, or I am guessing…her ego rubbed.

    But for me what makes this show watchable is the inclusion of Speidi. For those of you not in ‘the know’, Speidi are Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt from the Hills. Ahh the Hills, another ‘reality’ show. It’s scripted, it’s craptacular, it’s all about fabulous looking twenty-somethings who live in the Hollywood Hills. I recommend that unless you can afford to lose a few IQ points that you avoid this show like the plague.

    Heidi spends her time in the jungle trying to destroy the ozone layer by constantly spraying her hair extensions with dry shampoo. When she’s not crying because there are bugs and the jungle is dirty, she’s vomiting because she has been ‘tortured’ by having to live in a dark dirty shed with little food and lots of bugs. A few of the other celebs stole Heidi’s belongings including her precious dry shampoo. The barbarians even ripped the labels off her bottles. Awwww. Poor Heidi. She’s either crying or spraying her hair. It’s a win win situation here people.

    Spencer Pratt, and believe me his is one, a HUGE one, found Jesus whilst in the jungle. And you’ll love this part…Stephen Baldwin baptized him in the jungle river. You just can’t make this shit up! Oh wait…you can. Sorry. Stephen Baldwin, in my opinion, is all sorts of crazy. Still, Spencer is so annoying that if I were Stevie B I would have left his head under the water a tad longer…

    It may not have replaced ‘American Idol’ in my heart, but since there is nothing worth while on television during the summer, I will continue to stayed tuned to the trainwreck that is ‘Get me out of here, I’m a celebrity!” Sadly Speidi left the jungle in a fit, but then came back. Then they left again because they are too famous. These two can’t make up their minds. But they DO make for fantastic tv viewing. Who knows if they are off the show for good. Only time will tell. Are Heidi and Spencer desperate losers or brilliant actors who have parleyed their famewhoring ways into a fortune? You be the judge.

    That’s me then.

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Published in: on June 15, 2009 at 5:48 pm  Leave a Comment  
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